I’ve been trying to talk to my brother for weeks and he won’t get back to me. I know it sounds like he’s avoiding me and I’m just being annoying, but it’s more than that.
My brother is an addict and has been using since he was 15.When I was younger it was normal, he’d light up before the movies, while we were gaming, before we went out, after dinner…I didn’t realize that the longest he’d been sober in over ten years was 30 days.
I always looked up to him. When I was in grade school I didn’t talk to almost anyone and followed him around everywhere, and he let me. He didn’t call me names or tell me to go away, he protected and loved me. People would marvel at how well we got along and how close we were. I would ask him for advice on everything.
Now I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation that didn’t end with him telling me something completely off the wall or asking for money. He doesn’t visit unless he needs something, he bails without telling me when we have plans.
I spent plenty of time being mad, because I’m trying to understand that addiction is a disease when mixed with anxiety and depression can make someone into a mere shell of who they were. It just hurts now because I don’t have the yin to my yang, the Ryu to my Sakura, the Sonic to my Tails.
I just want to help him, not push him away, make him feel bad, or enable him. I just want to help him get better and I just cry every time I think he will use his entire life and that I won’t have my big brother back.